We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
