you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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