I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
