Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
