1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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