Me. At least after what I've been through.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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