you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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