She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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