Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I still have a little drunk in my system
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
