You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
