He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
