First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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