shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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