It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
