I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
