Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
