we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
