He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
