im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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