We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
