You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
