If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
