ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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