FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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