cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
