Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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