just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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