Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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