dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
