Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
