we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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