Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
