I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
