I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize