There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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