I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
