I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize