If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
