It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Green mimosas i think yes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
