I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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