your thong is hanging out like whoa
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
