I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
