If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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