You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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