conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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