The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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