I looked at my own cervix.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
