y did u give ur computer a hand job?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
