I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
