I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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