Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
