dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
