Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
