woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize