just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
