ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
