i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
