So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
