Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well you can't waste a boner
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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