Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
