what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
