so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
