you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
