We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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