theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
this will be a night to untag.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
