She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
